I feel like I'm spinning my wheels today. There's so much energy inside of me and seemingly nowhere to channel it. I know that I have so many abilities. I want to develop them, but it's frustrating when currently there aren't any oppurtunities for me to do that. Perhaps I'm just blind and don't see them. I don't know.
Whatever it is I'm coming to the edge of my nerves and I won't be able to stand doing nothing for too much longer. I guess when that happens I'll head out into the world looking and searching relentlessly for something to fulfill me. This has happened before, I remember it now. After grade nine I realized my own capabilities and I began digging and clawing for oppurtunities. I must've sent out dozens of emails and just walked around the city trying to discover new things. That original search eventually led me on a journey of 3 years of volunteer work trying to make the community a better place. It was awesome, beautiful, exciting. The best of all were the people I met, the friendships that were made and the feelings of infinity and immortality. The feeling that I was finally doing something with my life...
But those feelings faded when the need for my own growth came. Growth that had to be done alone on dark nights of the soul. And I discovered that what once fulfilled me no longer did, so I went in search for something new. Meditation and spiritual practice brought a certain sense of peace, but it wasn't what I was truly looking for. I see now that the spiritual path can not be walked simply by doing those things that are deemed spiritual in nature, but it must be walked with emotion and creativity as well. All parts of the soul must grow befor enlightenment can be reached.
At this point in my life I'm starting from scratch again. I guess that's why I came here in the first place, to start anew. I had to leave the comfort of home to discover a new home. It's time for me to become completley humble again, to admit that I know nothing in the big scheme of things. All I have is what is within me, the experience and knowledge of the years, and my faith in god and the universe.
So whatever it is I'm supposed to do, I pray now to whatever it is that is greater than me to lead me to the right places, the right people and the opputunities that will show me once again that there is something beautiful and unseen about the way the world moves forward.
Whatever it is I'm coming to the edge of my nerves and I won't be able to stand doing nothing for too much longer. I guess when that happens I'll head out into the world looking and searching relentlessly for something to fulfill me. This has happened before, I remember it now. After grade nine I realized my own capabilities and I began digging and clawing for oppurtunities. I must've sent out dozens of emails and just walked around the city trying to discover new things. That original search eventually led me on a journey of 3 years of volunteer work trying to make the community a better place. It was awesome, beautiful, exciting. The best of all were the people I met, the friendships that were made and the feelings of infinity and immortality. The feeling that I was finally doing something with my life...
But those feelings faded when the need for my own growth came. Growth that had to be done alone on dark nights of the soul. And I discovered that what once fulfilled me no longer did, so I went in search for something new. Meditation and spiritual practice brought a certain sense of peace, but it wasn't what I was truly looking for. I see now that the spiritual path can not be walked simply by doing those things that are deemed spiritual in nature, but it must be walked with emotion and creativity as well. All parts of the soul must grow befor enlightenment can be reached.
At this point in my life I'm starting from scratch again. I guess that's why I came here in the first place, to start anew. I had to leave the comfort of home to discover a new home. It's time for me to become completley humble again, to admit that I know nothing in the big scheme of things. All I have is what is within me, the experience and knowledge of the years, and my faith in god and the universe.
So whatever it is I'm supposed to do, I pray now to whatever it is that is greater than me to lead me to the right places, the right people and the opputunities that will show me once again that there is something beautiful and unseen about the way the world moves forward.
posted by QC at 2:38 PM
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