Timing is everything. If the moment I had fallen in love with you had been different, my life would have gone down a different path. It has been almost a year, but somehow last night and on this beautiful morning, you have filled my mind again. Maybe it's the weather here that is bringing me back to you. The sunny days with the cool winds, the scatters of rain, the smell of spring and something new in the air.

...Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say, what's going on...

...Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me, so close i can't see what's going on...

Damien's music will always remind me of you. His music and this landscape of mountains and water hold the key to the days of April and May when we laughed so hard we cried. Those days and nights, those moments stood so still they were silent The voices of the past shut their mouths for once and we were young again. In those hours it seemed that all we ever worried about was the alcohol, the smoke and the food we ate. In between was the hostel room and the water lapping against the shore and the sleep that claimed us each night.

Of course it was never meant to last. We were both just transient souls moving through the world like ghosts. We were both still trapped as ever in our own pasts, prisoners like the characters of Wong Kar-wai movies, which we both loved dearly.

You were my mirror, my solace, my peace in all that calamity, and that is why I still hold on to you so tightly. You made me feel safe when no one else in this world did. I never told you this, but I think you did to me, over a coffee and cigarette while we pondered where our lives would go...

"You make me feel safe, like I'm worth something..."

God I was so fucked up then. My chest was a watershed reading to burst and I was ready to drown. Shortly after I returned to Edmonton, my life lost most of its purpose and meaning. I walked, once again, on the edges of oblivion, in that space between life and death. But alas here I am, safe, strong and better than ever before.

So where do I go from here? Where is there to go except forward with your reflection in my mind and all this emotion and beauty swelling up inside of me? Don't forget me and stay young Maxime, stay young.