This is the end of a journey, and the beginning of a new one. On October 5th, 2006 I began this blog. I was filled with angst then, full of uncertainty about who I was and what was to come. I remember sitting in the lounge of the hostel with my laptop, a heaviness upon me and a fear that I would not find what I was looking for. My soul was weary that I would not change on this journey and return with cuts still bleeding. I'm glad to say that this is not what transpired.

Now 8 months and 10 days later I am writing my last entry. I don't know what it is about time that changes things so much - but it must be magic and perhaps the healing hand of god, of the universe that conspires in your favor to bring you your greatest gifts.

In those earliest days of Vancouver, my heart screamed out for love. I looked everywhere for salvation within the warmth of another's heart, but I did not find it here. Looking back now, even if I did find a lover then, I know the coldness and fear inside of me would not have passed. It was not the security of another I needed, but the security within myself. It is fitting that now in the last days of this dream, I have fallen in love again, not with a man, but with the ocean and the surf. I feel safe now, knowing that when darkness draws upon me once more, when life no longer makes sense, I can retreat to the ocean and the waves.

Surfing was not the only gift that the universe brought me in this time, it also gave me back my soul. I feel finally that I am no longer walking the abyss between death and life - I do not feel that I will fall. The sky still stands; my heart still beats.

Now I move forward to Edmonton where a new city awaits me. A new life and another island to rest upon. There I know I will find love again, there I will become a man.

Thanks everyone for riding the waves of this dream with me. See you soon.

Love
QC

Ithaka

As you set out for Ithaka
hope your road is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
angry Poseidon-don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
wild Poseidon-you won't encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.


Hope your road is a long one.
May there be many summer mornings when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind-
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to learn and go on learning from their scholars.


Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you're destined for.
But don't hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you're old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you've gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn't have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.


And if you find her poor, Ithaka won't have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you'll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

C.P. Cavafy
______________________

May you find solace in the ocean
May the waves take away your pain and set you free